"I have nothing to say to you, but what I have already said: simply obey the Holy Spirit, without listening to your own reason or fancy. 

No doubt you recognize you have a terrible bias to dissipation, the wasteful spending and squandering of resources, a lifestyle of unrestrained pleasure-seeking and a state of self-satisfaction and pride that is completely unjustified, unearned, and based on an illusion of achievement; you love to be praised, and you praise yourself; you find in your reason and natural courage, a strength which nourishes pride. 

Nothing but honest, quiet reflection can destroy this vain life, and moderate your insupportable lively, high-spirited, energetic, restlessness. 

“Let your thirst for understanding seek less, and let your heart give itself up more. Everything that seems to satisfy your intellect only puffs it up: you imagine you are nourishing your zeal, when in fact you are nourishing your pride. 

The point is not to know a great deal, but to know how to become more lowly, a child in the hands of God, of whom  I beg, not only to make you lowly, but to make you as nothing.” Fenelon.

When I worked on a Hotline, God opened up an online connection with a young woman some years back. 

Her life was a continual horror from 2 years old till I met her when she was 22. 

After we had been communicating for some time I asked her if I could have permission to share some of her story, 

She wanted me to. The communication was done by texting online. 

I decided to leave her testimony in her own writing, sadly, she had little education and it takes some work to understand her. 

I did add some punctuation. 

“Thank you so much for everything you have done. 

you can tell my store to other to help them it ok

 i am sure my store can help other or i hope so.

 

i am so thankful you was online that night and you have helped me so much you have no clue.

i hope you can help others just like me. 

everyday a new day. 

i will type my full story so you can share with other. 

my name lanna i am 22 my story begins i had a mom and a dad and 2 sister and a brother.

 

my parents split up when i was like 10 maybe younger i will never forget that night.

 

it was storming really bad my dad my uncle my brother and just one of my sister and our two friends and my cousin and my mom. we was all at the house watching beauty and the beast. 

my dad and cousin was in bedroom she was like 13. 

i was sitting in my mom lap and she ask me get up. 

i watched her get up go to bedroom and then she walked out she told us get dressed we leaving. 

we went to naborhouse. 

i was scared i had no iead what was going on. 

when i got there mom made me and my sister go to room. i looked out i seen my dad in hand cuff in back of police car. 

i was sad i was daddy liittle girl. 

i went with my mom and cousin to hospital. that when i found out my dad and cousin been having sex. 

we went to a safe house me mom and sister and brother. after 30 days we went to stay at my grandmother house where my step grand father stayed to.

i rember mom took my sister to dentist she left me and my brother i wanted to go outside and play he would not let me and he would drag me to bathroom and try lock me in there he hit me. 

when mom came home i told her and we moved out we got our own place.

 i was happy i made friends. 

mom had a boyfirend name ben i did not like him he made me stay outside i was not allowed to get nothing to drink my friend would give me something. 

so one day i walked to my mom work which was right up the street. i told mom what ben was doing and she kicked him out. 

so she met a guy named emad i loved him he was so nice funny smart he help mom me the hole family. 

we moved in a house he help us get but he never stayed with us so mom meet a guy named Chris which come find out he was a sex offender and she new he was ok  

my sister, she was like 17 and was dating a guy who was like 20 something,

 he was cool i like him a lot she would give me adult chatline number for me call keep me busy so she could do whatever why mom was at work. 

mom got mad her and told her she could not see him and so mom and her got in a fight and she called the law they took mom and her boyfriend to jail

 he went cause he was a sex offender he was around me and SAM. so we were not aloud to see him. 

i was in foster care at 12 and the first home i went to i did not feel right i hated cause of my foster dad nobody would listen to me 

i try everything to get moved out i showed out at school. 

i got in trouble at home

it was Christmas time and my foster sister had a band program me my brother and the other little girl was left alone with him and when i went to ask for food he told me no not until i did something with him and he touched me,

i told mom what he did to me and she called my case worker me and my little brother we moved back with mom. 

everything was so good. i was like 12 getting ready turn 13. 

i was talking to other men and sneak out house to have sex 

my mom was never around she was away at work. 

i was talking to this man who name mike 

he was 55 

she new about him she never said, no lanna you cant do that, so when we got kicked out he help us we were together everyday all day he was my boyfrend we slept in same bed 

i told mom i might been pragent she never said anything. so when people got to see us they reported use they pic of and i told them she new about us 

she denied it they took me and my brother away.

  

went to foster care where i stayed until i turned 18 

 i would run away and be with pimp and i got beat and raped by a pimp who would not let me sleep 

i had walk day and night in summer time until i called cops they took him away.  

i was dating a guy who was super nice everyone in company liked him. one day i ran away went back to street where i was pulled at gun point and stuff. i ened up getting mairryed i had devroce him

i was wrong i started having dreams and stuff getting real depressed not haven a mom to talk to or friends. 

i as think about sudice. long time i remaber i saw this viedo on facebook i saved a long time ago i rember i saved 

i wen to it, that were i stared talking to a really nice guy name Fred he preyed for me he found a church for me to go to all he new was  the state i was in, and found a church right up street from me 

how he new where to look idk. 

a couple day later me and my mom stared talking, 

we have not talked since i was like 17 i haven seen her and we talk everyday now i been happy 

everyday a sturgle for me.

We continued to chat and she made progress in faith and in life. At some point we lost touch……

My sons and I were discussing the care Jesus had about the scraps left over after He fed the multitude. My middle son brought it up saying - 

 “It always strikes me as odd that gathering the leftovers after feeding the multitudes is mentioned so prominently. It's like Jesus doesn't want it to be mis-handled.

I said – “Picking up the leftovers always reminds me of the Gentile woman that sought healing for her daughter, and she was more than happy to have crumbs that fell under the table. 

There are times I feel like it's all I have to offer, crumbs. 

I get in situations that are way over my head, and yet, 

Amazingly, I see a crumb nourish some poor trembling soul. 

It happened last night at the jail, when a girl of 25, 

with problems that completely overwhelm her, 

so much so she has NEVER shared anything about her past, 

it is just too painful.

 But last night, she lingered and was the last to leave the meeting, 

she stopped to chat with me for a minute. 

She knows I care about her; I have lavished the affection of Christ on her whenever I have the opportunity. 

And last night, for the first time, she shared some of her struggles and bits of her past. 

It may not seem like much, but to me it was like seeing Lazarus coming out of the tomb, still bound hand and foot with death robes, but he was upright!

This photo isn't her, but it looks a lot like her.

Little Heart and Big Water Bottles

A brief encounter at the Crisis Shelter

“I saw her with a water bottle that was half her size, 

she could barely hold it and take swigs, 

as it jostled in her little hands. 

Its size seemed intentional, like someone prepared for a long and thirsty journey.

We caught each other’s eyes.

Her mother was standing with another child in her arms, surrounded by a gaggle of other siblings. 

They were weaving in and around her as they all stood waiting for the evening details at the Crisis Shelter to fall into place.

There was a look in the mother’s face that I’ve seen many times, an overwhelmed, but determined stability, 

as she tries to hold life all together. 

The world is careening out of any sort of calm and safe orbit 

and they are being thrown into unfamiliar places and faces. 

It’s a managed terror, 

a courageous caution, 

mixed with fragile determination. 

A strong and fierce countenance, 

with slightly trembling lips.

I approach the mama Deer and her little Fawns gently, purposefully with distracting playfulness with the little water girl. 

Jokes and light banter to break the tension and the awkward energy in the moment.

I have learned the easiest way to gently approach a nervous and protective heart of a mother is kindness to her kids. 

Engaging her children is a gift of distraction from all the unknown, it’s a relief to the anxiety of first entries and skittish hearts and minds.

The little girl asks me if I can “Touch the roof.”

I do so.

She says “Do it again.”

I do so.

“How old are you?” she asks.

I tell her.

“What is your name?”

Do you live here?

Her list of questions is Homeric:

I am being analyzed by a little heart and mind, sized up, examined and lightly touched from a distance. 

I’m reminded of the Deer that I live among, curious, but so quick to leap away in the blink of an eye at the slightest twitch of danger.

I want to stay; she wants me to stay…

but the night has structure and steps and our meeting ends, 

but her face lingers in my mind and heart as I pray her name.

“Lord, bless this young girl and her siblings with peace tonight, a safe and warm bed, full tummies, fresh and clean clothes. 

Uphold them through all the loving and helpful people present to serve them. 

Hold Mom’s heart in your hands,

allow her to rest from all that hunts and haunts her. 

Meet them in the grace and goodness of all the care and counsel that is available under the roof of the UGM Shelter for Women and Children.” In Jesus name, amen.”

Pastor Eric

 ""If when reading my Bible, I find that the Epistles are gaining a commanding influence upon my mind, I must at once set out to explore the prophets.

If I find some special phase of truth powerfully attracting me, I must not shun it, but neither must I neglect the other aspects of truth.

“The Lord has yet more truth to break from out His Word!” said John Robinson; and I must earnestly seek to find it.

Now, Mr. Goodman is a splendid fellow;

but he fell in love with one lonely little truth,

and now he never thinks, reads, or preaches of any other.

It would be his salvation, and the salvation of his people,

if he would venture forth to climb the peaks that hold no attraction for him.

He would discover, when at last he stood upon their sunlit summits,

that they too are part of God’s great and glorious world."

This is such a practical and important truth, especially for new Christians or for those who have heard little beyond what their pastor or denomination teaches.

 Why have children? 

There are certainly many reasons, but I think most of us remember the pure joy and thrill of what these little ones brought  to our lives. 

Here are the best descriptions I've read so far -- 

"It is interesting to observe how the Creator, having first subjected the child to parental and family influences, 

has even then provided for its growing freedom by inspiring it with –

overflowing animation, 

inexpressible joy, 

impatience of limits, 

thirst for novelty, 

delight in adventure, 

and ardent imagination. 

Jeremy Tayor said it this way – 

"No man can tell but he that loves his children, 

how many delicious accents make a man's heart dance in the pretty conversations of those dear pledges; 

their childishness, 

their stammering’s, 

their little angers, 

their innocence, 

their imperfections, 

their necessities, 

are so many little emanations of joy and comfort to him that delights in their persons and society.” 

“We take shelter in children to escape oblivion. 

We ask the child to drag around the unwieldy weight of magic. 

To clap wildly. 

To believe in what we believe in no longer. 

We ask the child to keep the awe we forgot how to hold. 

The fairy isn’t the fairy. It’s the child who is the fairy. 

It’s the child who is enchanted!”

If one could bottle and sell these feelings, he would be the richest man alive! 

 "No human being exists whose character can be presented as a perfect model.

No process is so destructive as one that would force all people into the same mold.

Every human being is meant to have a character of his or her own,

to be what no other person is,

and to do what no other person can do.

Our common nature is meant to unfold in limitless diversity.

It is rich enough for infinite expressions.

It is meant to take on countless forms of beauty and greatness.

Every human being has an inner work to carry out,

duties to perform in the world,

and influences to exert that are uniquely his or hers,

and which no conscience but their own can reveal.

Let no one, then, surrender his or her conscience to others,

but act with the freedom, strength, and dignity of one whose highest law, written within by the hand of God, is obeyed in faith." William Ellery Channing. 

 "Perhaps this is one of the greatest hidden sacrifices -

Love continually interrupts us.

Nearly every meaningful relationship requires a continual dying to self.

Most of these sacrifices are small enough that they scarcely feel heroic,

yet they are often the very things through which Christ is formed in us.

As one writer observed, the great test of Christian love is not whether we would die for our brethren,

but whether we can patiently live with them.

The person who

talks too long,

arrives late,

asks for help at an inconvenient moment,

or sees things differently from us becomes an opportunity to practice the kind of love that "does not seek its own."

These little sacrifices are the hidden currency of every

healthy church,

family,

and friendship.

They are often unnoticed by men, but never by God.

"Through love serve one another" (Galatians 5:13).

The service is usually found in the small things."

"Don't mistake feeling emotional about a story for genuinely caring for people. 

True compassion is measured by what we do for ordinary people who suffer in real life."

Or even more simply:

"It's easy to feel sorry for fictional characters. The real test of compassion is whether we care for ordinary people whose suffering isn't dramatic or beautiful."

That final sentence is really the heart of the passage. He's warning that our imagination can give us the feeling of being compassionate, while real charity requires us to notice and help those whose misery is plain, unattractive, and close at hand.