"When I used to exclaim to my love, "You make me very happy!" 
Matthew didn't usually let me get away with it. He would reply quietly, "You make yourself happy. I am simply part of it." 
That half pleased me with its scent of wisdom, for stirring my mind awake was characteristic of his impact. He would rebuke me kindly, "Say that you are happy - that pleases me, but not that I make you so. Your happiness is not mine to give or withhold and I decline to have it. That would falsify all our dealings." 
I could so easily have fallen into the premise that it was Matthew's business to make me happy. His business was to be himself, a whole person, with or without me, as it was mine to accomplish my being. Only out of this is anything like love possible. 
  I have come to believe that love is not so much an event as a disposition, not something forthcoming from others but within one's own power to pour out. We deserve the kind and amount of love we get, not in any moralistic sense but by the quality of our being. 
  In the nature of things, we meet and marry long before we are full-scale identities, but that is no excuse for staying incomplete. We love those most who make us fulfill whatever greatness lies in us, not those who induce us to resign it. 
Remember how it was at first, how you went around pouring out, and refill your reservoir from the same springs as before you met, for that is what brought love to your door."  Ms. Michael Drury. 

I like that, no, it's not gospel and it doesn't cover every circumstance, but as a generality I think it contains a lot of truth.