The following satire would be humorous if it weren't so true. The masses of struggling  destructive lost and downcast are common on the streets of Portland Oregon . This quote describes so many I minister to in the jail and missions.  

"PACIFIC NORTHWEST APPARENTLY HOME TO NEW GENERATION: "GEN WHY"

Every little town in the Pacific Northwest apparently has at least one member of a previously unidentified generation known as "Gen Why."

She's 40, dresses like she's 21, parties like it's 2006, and has been "getting her shit together" since George W. Bush was president.

You know the one.

Leopard-print leggings tighter than a banjo string, a crop top fighting for its life, eyelashes like two dead tarantulas, and enough makeup to seal a double-wide. She applies it with a nine-inch paint roller from Bi-Mart and uses a putty knife for touch-ups.

Her eyebrows are drawn on so high they qualify as overhead utilities.

She's got five kids, four baby daddies, and a boyfriend-of-the-month club with more turnover than Dollar General. The current winner is 24, has "LOYALTY" tattooed on his neck, and hasn't worked since somebody stole his tools in 2019.

Naturally, she doesn't have a meth problem. She just smokes a little, sells enough to support the habit she doesn't have, and has been cleaning the same bathroom since the Fourth of July.

"I can quit whenever I want."

Nobody asked, Tiffany.

Despite being unemployed, she's busier than a one-armed roofer. Between Facebook fights, court dates, and driving her boyfriend to probation, she barely has time to post about fake friends, jealous bitches, and how blessed she is.

Her profile says "INDEPENDENT QUEEN - DON'T NEED NO MAN," although her mother pays the phone bill, her ex pays the electricity, and she's borrowing $40 from a guy she met behind Chevron.

Every Friday she's cutting toxic people out of her life. By Sunday, they're all back in her living room smoking cigarettes, fighting over a missing vape, and planning an eyelash business.

She's accepting deposits.

You can usually hear "Gen Why" coming three blocks away, blasting Eminem and screaming at somebody on speakerphone about loyalty.

At press time, she'd posted "NEW CHAPTER. NO MORE DRAMA."

Nine minutes later, police responded to a disturbance involving two ex-boyfriends, a missing catalytic converter, and somebody screaming, "YOU DON'T KNOW MY FUCKING STORY!"

Unfortunately, everybody in town does.

DISCLAIMER: Satire. Gen Why is fictional, but every small town has at least one. Some have enough to start a bowling league."  The Coostucky Chronicle