Forgiveness - How does the abused forgive?

I'm preaching on forgiveness tonight and I've heard many who approach it like a "One Size Fits All" topic. But I think this is a more scriptural approach. So if you have been abused this lengthy piece may give you some comfort. I'll start it with the verses we all know.

  ¹⁴ For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ¹⁵ But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matt. 6:14

"For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged." Matt. 7:12

 “But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. ²⁸ Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. ²⁹ If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. ³¹ Do to others as you would like them to do to you." Luke 6:27-31

Yes, we are to forgive, but does that mean forgive capital crimes? If someone cuts you off in traffic, it's a slap, if they purposely run into you, it's a capital crime.

When Jesus was slapped he didn't offer his other cheek as we read in -

Jn. 18:22 "When He had said this, one of the officers standing nearby struck Jesus, saying, “Is that the way You answer the high priest?” Jesus answered him, “If I have spoken wrongly, testify of the wrong; but if rightly, why do you strike Me?” He didn't turn his other cheek, he questioned the person.

 We have a promise that comforts the abused, as well as all of us, and it is --

"Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Ro. 12:19

Wrath is God's settled anger against sin expressed in the repayment of suitable vengeance on the guilty. (never too strong, never too weak)

God's wrath is a vehement, boiling fury, But it is a wisely directed rage -  Meaning: it is considered, directed and applied but never without control, a wisely directed rage. Perfect justice with the intent of bringing to repentance, not punitive. Ro. 12:19,  Deut. 32:35 This kind of justice is, I'm afraid, beyond our abilities. Which is why it must be left up to God.

 For a peak into God's methods of bringing the capital offender to repentance, this passage in Micah gives some insight into a few of the tools in His toolbox. Some are very effective.

God's vengeance

“For the rich men of the city are full of violence,
Her residents speak lies,
And their tongue is deceitful in their mouth.

“So I will make you sick, striking you down,
Desolating you because of your sins.

You will eat but never have enough.
    Your hunger pangs and emptiness will remain.

And though you try to save your money,
It will come to nothing in the end. 
You will save a little, but I will give it to those who conquer you.
¹⁵ You will plant crops but not harvest them.
You will press your olives but get no oil.
You will trample the grapes but get no juice to make your wine." Micah 6:12-15

We can begin to forgive ourselves when we begin to forgive those who have sinned against us, but for those who have grievously sinned against us it is a process that begins with their repentance as Jesus describes here --

Mat. 18:15-17 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. ¹⁶ But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. ¹⁷ If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector. (A person of disgust)

Now if our perpetrator denies the crime we are not required to forgive them but we are required to pray that they will, number one - STOP! And number two, repent, lest they be damned. That is the most loving thing we can do, and it may be all we can do.

But our mental health and well being will never be whole unless we follow Paul's advice as described here --

 ^"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice."  Eph. 4:31

This requires much grace and with most of us it is impossible, but with God all things are possible, so we have to ask ourselves this very important question --  Do we want to hate? Are we willing to allow the Lord to heal us and remove our bitterness or do we want to cling too and nurse our hate?

Are we willing to let God show us how to heal and leave bitterness behind? He can and will bring light into even the deepest darkness, but we must begin the process by deciding we want to give up our hate.  

This certainly doesn't exhaust the subject, but it is a good starting point.