The following is a true story of childhood abuse as told to me by the victim. She has given me permission to share it to broaden the awareness of the horrors children of abuse endure; and why they often fall victim to substance abuse. 

  "For as long as I can remember, I have been afraid of the dark and I still am to this very day. That's because the worst moments of my life occurred while in the dark. My father did things to me that no child should ever experience. I learned very quickly that screaming "NO, DADDY" or to try to wiggle away from him would only get me hurt worse. I also knew no one was going to save me, or make him stop hurting me. And there was nothing I could do about it, because I was only a little girl. So each time he would force himself on me, I would squeeze my eyes shut as tight as I could and hold my breath. And I would force my mind to take me somewhere else. Somewhere happy. Somewhere peaceful. And when he finished he would tell me that he loved me and that it was our little secret. He would tell me that he wasn't wanting to hurt me but instead to make me feel good. I would look him straight in the eye, nod my head and say, "yes sir, our little secret." But I wanted to tell him, it would make me feel good if he didn't do those things to me, but I was too afraid. Even at such an early age, I knew what my father had done to me was very wrong. And I knew he had taken something from me that I could never get back. HE TOOK MY INNOCENCE." 

 

 Now the following is her graphic account of what was done to her; so if you don't want to know about horrid things and want to shield your eyes from what evil men, and women, do, stop here. 

  "When I was 3 yrs. old my father orally raped me. He roughly fondled my privates with his fingers so much so until I would bleed. But that was only one incident of sexual abuse among countless acts that my father and then my brother perpetrated on me over the course of 9 years. My mother ignored my words, my cry for help. She ignored the fact that her baby girl did not want to take a bubble bath because the bubbles burned & hurt my privates. My privates that were raw from being sexually abused almost daily. I couldn't escape the abuse. No one cared about me. I was ignored, rejected, hated, threatened, called a liar, called names, sexually & physically abused by the very ones who were suppose to love & protect me. I was isolated, separated from my family, separated from everyone including my classmates at school. I have always felt alone, unsafe, & unloved. It has been as if I am on the outside looking in. Looking in on everyone else’s lives...everyone else having family who care about them, everyone else getting the proper love and attention, everyone else laughing and having fun. I AM NOT DESERVING OF ANYTHING. My father and brother's sexual abuse....the bullying from my siblings and the rejection from my mother...all penetrated more then just my body. My very being was contaminated by the false identity it forced on me. Through their abuse, they communicated to me that I didn't have the value of other children. That I wasn't worthy of protection. That I wasn't worthy of real love. That I wasn't a real person but instead only an object useful for disgusting things and then discarded. I was trash. The abuse and ill treatment invalidated my opinions, desires, thoughts, feelings and my very life. The violation told me that I didn't matter. My cries of pain didn't deter my father nor my brother but instead only made them angrier at me. My desire to get away didn't stop either of them. My mother and siblings only reinforced my feelings and beliefs about myself. I was unworthy of attention or comfort or love or acceptance. I didn't belong anywhere...nor have I all my life. Many who I have met since then have reinforced those same feelings and  thoughts."