I have a Facebook friend that I consider a mentor, as well as a friend.   Her life is, and has been, such an example of Christlikeness that with each new story she tells I see more, feel more, and understand more. She had a daughter, Rachel, that was born deaf, mute and blind; she lived to be 25 yrs. old as an infant, unable to talk or care for herself in any way. Each year on Rachel's birthday she writes about her life with her, the following is one of those posts. 

With a special needs child, there are decisions parents have to make that are somewhat uncommon to the normalcy of child rearing.

For instance, do we use a feeding tube or feed her ourselves? Do we allow them to put her to death, to conjure up enough oxygen to breath correctly? (Yes, we did have to do that.)

Do we put her in special education or hire a nurse? Do we do keep her at home, put her in an institution, school?

How do get her circulation to keep her warm? What wheelchairs were best for a tiny crooked child? (Her scoliosis put her in a near c positioning.)

How could we do clothes without buttons or zippers that hurt? (These could bruise, cause bed sores, or just discomfort.)

Do you know how we answered all the questions?

Simple.

If the tables were turned, and we were Rachel, what would we want done? That’s how we made every single decision for Rachel.

So…..she never had a feeding tube.

We made her puréed food most of the time. The experts would tell us it would be much easier if we had a feeding tube. But we knew while it might be easier for us, it would not be for her. We chose to feed her until we couldn’t. So, she never had infections common to children like her. It was a wonderful bonding time for us, even though we often said it was like feeding a baby alligator as much as she twisted, turned or if a seizure came.

We chose to keep her with us the majority of her life, though we did try school for part time. It was quite the mix. We felt most comfortable with her with us. So, we taught school, did mission work, worked in an office, ran a bookstore, daycare, travel agency all…..with Rachel.

Why?

Because we felt that’s what we’d want if we were Rachel.

Because if we had been Rachel, we would have wanted to travel, we traveled to all the United States except Alaska and Wisconsin, and several foreign countries.

She loved it all! I think it actually kept her healthier.

Dan didn’t like the hardness of wheelchair material, so one day we went to a Virginia hospital. Deep in the basement we helped build a cushion wheelchair. They formed a firm, but play doh feel, piece that fit inside the chair. Fascinating.

It was much more comfortable.

We were careful about snaps, buttons, zippers. Her comfort became our utmost concern in everything. We’d even get clothes made for her. Extra socks for her poor circulation. Heating pads, sleeping cushions, anything to relieve her pain.

We are proud to say Rachel never had a bed sore! Nor an exterior infection.

Not one in 25 years.

She was bathed everyday.

Her hair was washed and brushed.

Her teeth were brushed.

Lotion to keep her dry skin soft was applied. A heating pad wrapped around her after her bath, so she didn’t get too cold. Her bed was always clean no matter how many times we had to change it.

Because…. if we had been Rachel,

these are things we would enjoy.

As medically fragile as Rachel was, we expected to be in and out of hospitals all the time. In 25 years, I think she was hospitalized less than 4 times. Miraculous.

The worst infection she had was pneumonia. After our initial hospital testing at birth and diagnosis, which I’ve already shared, we never left her alone in a hospital.

And it was really strange. I could tell if she had an infection or stomachache. She would get a peculiar smell. Dan could tell when her head was hurting.

We tried to be very cued in to reading her, as she wasn’t capable of telling us.

Both of us can read people pretty good now, even if they don’t say a word.

If she was in school, we made plenty of unexpected visits, to keep an eyeon her. There were times we took her out of school, to protect her.

Why?

Because if we were Rachel, we would want someone to protect us, to be our advocate, to keep us as safe.

What we learned from this kind of thinking and life processing, was a lesson I feel everybody can find beneficial in their lives.

When you’re thinking of how to love your spouse, your child, your sibling, your parent, your co worker, your friend, your whoever, it will serve you well to simply say:

What would I want them to do to me…..if I was…them.

Then do that for them.

It really will help you to see life from a different perspective. It will affect your relationships. It really is a wonderful way of loving another.

Perhaps it’s what Jesus had in mind when He said “Do unto others as you want them to do unto you.”

A beautiful godly wisdom.

Look for opportunities to serve this way and see the miracles grow.

~AnnStewartPorter