I talk to so many that have suffered Childhood abuse, sexual assaults and other traumatic events, so I've decided I need to make a pamphlet where I can gather what I've learned and give to victims of trauma. 

I've collected information from the Bible, from personal stories and from books written by Psychiatrists and therapists that specialize in this subject, this is lengthy, but the issue is vast and complex.   

  So, the first thing that I think is so important, is that you begin to educate yourself on this; when we don't understand our reactions and emotions that traumatic living conditions cause, we think something is wrong with us, that we are the only one who thinks or feels this way, and that there is no hope, or that hope is beyond reach.

Here are some examples of what women have shared with me. Some of these girls have suffered terrible abuse, but others not nearly as much, but they all have these same desperately dark thoughts; I'm sure you will relate to some as well.

 "Listen I KNOW there is some kind of evil entity or demon or something around me • I just can feel it."

Another person said - "Now it's like I crave sin and deviant things. People think I'm great but I know the truth that I fell for sin, listening to that voice. Also I believe that I was born without innocence. I've never been innocent."

Another said - "I am so insecure, and I think you know. People say I’m pretty but I think I’m the most disgusting, ugly person because of my past. I know sometimes I could look good, but by whole body is full of scars. I look at one part of my body with so many bad memories."

Another said - "I just feel so alone. I hate my life, I'm sorry. I really want to quit. I want to end it I don't want this life I'm getting so tired and to my limit. I'm so out of energy.

I don't know what's going on in my head.

The devil always wins. I'm so weak and out of control. Honestly if you knew how I felt.."

Another said -"I feel like I'm already dead inside. I feel like giving up. I feel like I failed. But honestly I don't even know why I'm feeling like this. I don't know what's happening to me. I don't know anything. I’ve always been in this dark place, and I felt like I was getting closer to God but it's like my demons took me back in. And I feel the same."

As you can see these are very dark thoughts but every person I talk too has similar feelings and they all feel so alone.

Each of these young women was suffering what I've come to understand as Chronic Trauma. So let me put the definition of Trauma and Chronic or complex trauma, here.

Trauma - Trauma is the result of exposure to an inescapably stressful event that overwhelms a persons coping mechanism. Intense fear, helplessness, loss of control, and threat of annihilation.

Chronic Trauma - Frequent, lasting trauma. Differing from one traumatic event, but rather repeated danger, that continues.

In the Bible Kind David suffered Chronic Trauma because he lived in times of war, and threats on his life were repeated and very real. Here are some of his feelings -

"For the enemy has persecuted my soul;
He has crushed my life to the ground;
He has made me dwell in dark places, like those who have long been dead.
⁴ Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me; I am paralyzed with fear." Ps. 143:4

Jesus was also a victim of complex trauma, when we consider His life

we learn that Jesus was a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief, he was born in want without the simple comforts of clean and soft linen at birth but rather born in an animal stall. He was under the threat of murder His entire life; he was misjudged, maligned, verbally and physically abused and even abandoned by his family, and ultimately murdered.

In the gospel of Luke we have this account -

  

"Just at that time some Pharisees approached Jesus, saying to Him, “Go away, leave here, for Herod wants to kill You.” ³² And He said to them, “Go and tell that fox, ‘Behold, I cast out demons and perform cures today and tomorrow, and the third day I reach My goal.’

I include this to illustrate the threats of death that Jesus lived under, but also His response, which is our hope - "Behold, I cast out demons and perform cures.." 

 So, no one knows why evil exists, but we know that no one is immune and so I want to focus not on the 'why', but on the 'what.'  What we can do to recover and regain the love of life to be able to live with hope and restore joy, and live in a place of peace.

So the first two steps are to understand why you are suffering and where to go for help.

Learning about complex trauma, and all of the symptoms, is so important so you understand that you are not alone; that what you feel is normal under traumatic circumstances, and that God has not abandoned you, He cares about every tear you have shed, every sorrow and fear, and He promises to bring healing to your heart and to be with you through it all. In Jeremiah 29:11 we have this promise -

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

There are many books written about recovering from trauma and I recommend two that will equip and educate you by those who specialize in it. The first is "Mending the Soul" by Steven Tracy, He is a Professor in a Christian college and his wife is a family therapist. This book delves into the Bible, which is filled with information on trauma, if you are shown where to look. It is an esteemed work in the field and used all over the US and other countries, to help find healing.

The second is titled "Trauma and Recovery" by Judith Herman an M.D. Psychiatrist. It is not a Christian book but this book was ground breaking in the field of adverse childhood experiences as well as sexual assault and other traumas. It is a clinical book but easy to understand as she quotes from countless case studies. I would skip the first chapter, which is a history of psychiatry and just jump into the second chapter, which dives right in to pertinent information.

To better clarify childhood trauma I want to share with you a survey that explains the common causes and helps you identify how severe your case is. It's called the A.C.E. survey, which stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences. 

Finding Your ACE Score - While you were growing up, during your first 18 years of life:

1. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often... Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you?

or  Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?
  If yes enter 1 ___

2. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often... Push, grab, slap, or throw something at you?

or
Ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?

If yes enter 1____

3. Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever...
Touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way?

Or  Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?
   If yes enter 1 ____

4. Did you often or very often feel that ...
No one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special?

Or   Your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?  If yes enter 1 ________

5. Did you often or very often feel that ...
You didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you?

Or  Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it? 

  If yes enter 1 _____

6. Were your parents ever separated or divorced? 


  If yes enter 1 ________

7. Was your mother or stepmother:
Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her?

Or
 Sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? Or
Ever repeatedly hit at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife?

  If yes enter 1 ______

8. Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic or who used street drugs?

  If yes enter 1 ______

9. Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide?

   If yes enter 1 ______

10. Did a household member go to prison?

   If yes enter 1 ______

Now add up your “Yes” answers:

  The higher the Adverse Childhood Experiences, the greater the likelihood of --

Feeling utterly alone, different from others, inability to trust people or God.

Depression, anxiety, suicide, drug abuse, being violent and a victim of violence;

More types of trauma increase the risk of health, social and emotional problems.

People usually experience more than one type of trauma – rarely is it only sex abuse or only verbal abuse.

   I can't stress how important it is for a child to grow up in an intact home where mom and dad nurture and love the child, as well as train and support the child in everything from the first steps of safety, through the education process, then on too the preparation for adult life. All of this in a warm family circle where God is the center of love and security for all.

Here is a piece that explains what happens when those essential needs are not met.

 "The importance of a child’s close relationship with parents cannot be overestimated. Through those relationships, children learn to trust others, regulate their emotions, self-soothe and calm themselves and interact with the world; they develop a sense of the world as safe or unsafe, and come to understand their own value as individuals. When those relationships are unstable or unpredictable, children learn that they cannot rely on others to help them. When the parents abuse or neglect a child, the child learns to think that he or she is bad and the world is a terrible place." 

"Traumatized, neglected or abused people can feel completely abandoned, utterly alone, like they don't belong in the world, and even God doesn't care about them and that there is nobody to care or protect them.   From then on they have a sense of being different from others, or that they can't connect with others and it goes into all of their relationships, even from the closest family members, also people at school or work, and they just feel apart from everyone. This greatly affects how they see God, they often feel that He will abandon them or can't be trusted." 

  In a loving home we learn to regulate our emotions, self-soothe and calm ourselves as well as interact with the world. Without these skills even school can be impacted, because we are easily offended, we feel different and cannot calm ourselves when even the least offense happens, and other children pick up on this, and we often end up becoming the brunt of jokes or bullying, which further separates us from others because we either react with anger or isolation.

The ability to self-soothe is so important in all of our relationships because no relationships is perfect and offenses come and we must be able to regulate our emotions and calm ourselves or we end up being in continual conflict, blaming others and losing important friendships.

Efforts to control this rage may further exacerbate the survivor’s social withdrawal and paralysis of initiative.

Occasional outbursts of rage against others may further alienate the survivor and prevent the restoration of relationships.

 And internalization of rage may result in a malignant self-hatred and chronic and frequent thoughts of suicide.

A secure sense of connection with caring people is the foundation of personality development. When this connection is shattered, the traumatized person loses their basic sense of self. School life is difficult at best, but when we are faced with these additional adversities, it can become a nightmare.

We see the problem in this verse and also the path to healing -

Many people are suffering—
    crushed by the weight of their troubles.
But the Lord is a refuge for them,
    a safe place they can run to.

¹⁰ Lord, those who know your name
    come to you for protection.
And when they come,
    you do not leave them without help."  Psalm 9:9-10 ERV

Here is where our help comes from, but victims of childhood abuse often feel they are alienated from God, so faith is more easily doubted.

  When we enter a romantic relationship all the complications above come into play as well, with other dynamics I'll list here.

"Many emotionally abused children engage in a lifelong drive for the approval (which they translate as "love") of others. So eager are they for love—and so convinced that they don't deserve it—that they are prime candidates for abuse within intimate relationships."

Some people who suffered childhood trauma grow up and Fall in love, a little too fast and deep. (I see this often in the jail and have had many women tell me they just don't know why they keep getting into bad relationships; and often they fall in love extremely fast and very deep.)

When traumatized people fall in love they often idealize their partner; put them on a pedestal, profess a rapid and deep connection, give of themselves fully, push for premature commitments. It may feel like the  "love of a lifetime."

In time, this idealization evolves into a devaluation of the partner when the partner does not live up to the unrealistic expectations.

When this happens, they can become angry, resentful, abusive, and even vindictive.

  Let me focus on the statement - "So eager are they for love—and so convinced that they don't deserve it—that they are prime candidates for abuse within intimate relationships." Also the line -"push for premature commitments."

When we are so eager for love and acceptance we can become involved in sexual relationships way prematurely. The euphoric emotions of romance can be absolutely addictive to the child of abuse. Feelings of being loved, accepted and wanted, often overcome all resistance to sexual advances, and when once involved sexually, little or no restraint is applied and they are taken advantage of and most often left for another who is easier to be with.

Often victims engage in frequent masturbation as a method of "self-soothing," and this can lead to obsessive preoccupation with sexual things, which of course, can attract guys with little interest other than sexual conquest. This, of course, leads to further guilt and shame.

If pornography is added to the mix, it can lead to further obsession and spiral into deeper feelings of shame and degradation; and even more distance from God.

But God is not easily offended, and He offers His invitation to all, regardless of how they feel about themselves, His universal call found in Matthew 11:28-29 -

 “Come to me all of you who are tired from the heavy burden you have been forced to carry. I will give you rest. ²⁹ Accept my teaching. Learn from me. I am gentle and humble in spirit. And you will find rest for your souls."

Jesus proclaims that He is the light of the world, and that light goes deep into the darkest recesses of our souls and brings healing light. We see this in Job 12:22 where it says -

"He exposes even the darkest secrets.
  He sends light into places that are as dark as death."

When Jesus stood gazing over Jerusalem, it says, "He wept." Jesus looks at our lives and He sees every sorrow, every abuse, and every bad choice that resulted from that, and He looks not with eyes of judgment against us, but He weeps. He knows that a child is not capable of processing neglect or abuse; He knows that a child doesn't have the maturity or emotional tools to unravel the complex world of neglect and abuse, and He sees that child, not as bad or evil, but white as snow, He declares in Isaiah 1:18

“Though your sins (and those sins against you) are as scarlet,
They will be as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They will be like wool."

God's only plan is your restoration and freedom from the captivity of trauma and to bring you into His kingdom where hope is eternal, joy is poured out and peace overcomes trauma. He has nothing but words of comfort to those who seek Him for healing. His promises are for us all. Remember the hope in the 23rd Psalm?

"He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
³ He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

⁴ Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me."

 When we reach out to Him and dedicate ourselves to believe in His words and try and follow His directions, He offers healing and recovery that can be found no where else. Listen to His words of hope and promise -

"If you do these things, your light will begin to shine like the light of dawn. Then your wounds will heal. Your “Goodness” will walk in front of you, and the Glory of the Lord will come following behind you. Then you will call to the Lord, and he will answer you. You will cry out to him, and he will say, “Here I am.” Isaiah 58:8-9

 So, the path to healing is both intellectual and spiritual. It is so important that you learn about trauma and the devastating affects it can have on us. This will help you understand yourself and why this inky black cloud follows you wherever you go.

Then we seek Christ to "perform cures." To bring the healing and hope to the heart by His Holy Spirit who will comfort, console, and restore, even those with the weakest faith. He says though your faith is as tiny as a mustard seed, He will multiply it; He will cause it to grow and flourish till you walk in wholeness and freedom. Then you will be prepared to help others behind you that live under this horrid oppression.

In Ecclesiastes 4:1 God says -

 "Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun, I saw the tears of the oppressed- and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressors - and they have no comforter." 

But God's will is there will be found those who comfort the oppressed, and I'm trying to do that very thing, and when you find healing you will too.

I'll close with this last promise for all who have lived under oppression 

 “Because of the devastation of the afflicted, because of the groaning of the needy,
Now I will arise,” says the Lord; “I will set her in the safety for which she longs.” Psalm 12:5

So God is saying that he hears the cries and groans of those who feel devastated and are afflicted with emotional or physical sufferings. And God says, because of those cries and groans, He is going to rise up, rise up in their hearts, and He will set them in safety, for which they are longing for. He will answer them, and bring them to a place where their heart and soul is safe, has peace, and strength to endure.

It is my greatest prayer that this has begun in your heart.