Are you considering divorce??

We all know how divorce impacts children and how we should do all in our power to prevent it. God hates the sorrow divorce causes. 

To add some incentive to make it work, let me share this candid confession about things divorce causes that we often overlook. 

"I don't know what I'm looking for here, maybe advice maybe just to vent and get it out in a group where people don't know me.

I'm okay with being done with him. 

I don't even like him anymore. 

I don't miss sharing a bed intimately 

or even being next to him, 

the things he's done have officially made me okay with no longer having him as my husband or friend even. Whatever.

 

It's the rest of the life I have with him that I’ll miss, and struggle to let go of. 

I don't mean monetarily, we're poor as paupers and already barely getting by.

 But.

Will I find a place I can afford 

and be able to keep my cats? 

Will I have to go to the laundromat again because of not having washer/dryer hookups? 

Will 'our' friendships become everyone picking one or the other of us?

 No more game night. 

No more seeing my awesome stepson, or my oldest daughter actually having a father figure.

No more close relationship with my mother-in-law that I love who has been there for me as a real mom when mine was not. 

No more sister-in-law and her kids, that I truly consider family. 

No more fireworks and summer parties and playing hostess with the mostest. 

No more Luna the dog, 

because the cats are 'more mine' 

the dog is 'more his'. 

No more vacations or hikes or bonfires or cookouts with friends. 

No more rummy with father-in-law, while talking smack and passing the peace pipe. 

No more - he's home to deal with kids, so I can go anywhere from the store to a friend's house kid free.

No more of those rare 'extras' of fun, things that make life bearable because there will be no money. 

No more flexible work schedule 

allowing me to see my kids longer than just to feed them and send them to bed because I'd need a second job and set hours. 

And will I be able to afford good health care? 

No more of so many things that have made me enjoy my life 

and keep me from being miserable 

when I look at the state of the world around me.

So no, 

no more nights of crying myself to sleep after him yelling at me 

and using my past traumas against me to be cruel.

 But, if I'm crying myself to sleep even more often from other things and missing my life, is it really better?

I have to decide which version of miserable I prefer. 

I never wanted it to come to this. 

I can't believe this is my life."